With a divorce or break-up, it is important that you acknowledge it as an important experience that you can definitely gain from. Keep your thoughts in a positive stream so that you will not fall into negativity and say that it was a waste of time or it was meaningless. Always remember that an end of something is the beginning for something else. As you process through the divorce process, here are 8 things that can help you with moving on from the heartbreak and bitterness

  1. There is no need to rush into a new relationship before first working on yourself (Statistics show that while about 50% of first marriages end in divorce, second and third marriages are even more likely to end in divorce, 60% and 73% respectively). The end of a marriage is a time to embrace your independence and focus on what you feel is important
  2. Remember, you were at some point in your life, single and independent. If before marriage you were able to be happy, divorce is an opportunity to regain that happiness
  3. Approaching divorce as a journey will allow you to have a positive outlook on the future. Rather than focusing on the negative choices that led you to divorce, embrace the positive choices you now have the opportunity to make, and the fact that getting a divorce may have been a positive decision
  4. Don’t get caught up dwelling on the problems of today, the solution will come as time passes by and as you face whatever challenges that may come. Approach this time in your life proactively, rather than reacting to past problems, conflicts and roadblocks. Try to let go of your mistrust, anger, resentment and any other harmful emotions that will keep you at anything less than your best self and the happiness you deserve.
  5. You cannot allow yourself and more importantly your children to become victims of divorce when you can be resilient survivors. Separation from an unhealthy relationship will give you and your children the opportunity to heal and grow, as long as your focus is on maintaining love and support in your family. Find a safe place for both you and your kids separately to confide in someone about this transition (counselor, friend, teacher).
  6. Build a support system around yourself and your children whether it be school, social or home related support, so that you don’t have to be a statistic, but a survivor
  7. Be clear with your intentions when explaining your divorce to your children; be clear that your choices are not out of hate, but choosing a healthier path for yourself, and in turn setting a healthier example for them. Keep your kids in the loop on what exactly is going on (age appropriate); you aren’t always protecting them by hiding things from them
  8. Establish stability for yourself and your children to the best of your ability. It is at utmost importance that you and your partner keep things amicable. This creates an environment for stability that will help you, your partner, and your children maintain order in the midst of the chaos. Further, do your best to communicate effectively with your ex and your children so that co-parenting doesn’t become a catastrophe, but a loving partnership that will proactively prevent emotional scarring by being a stable force in their life

In this complicated and difficult situation that you are facing with your partner and your children, I will leave you with this: YOU ARE POWERFUL ENOUGH TO MAKE THIS CHANGE